Forgiveness is something that can have a profound effect on our lives but it is also something that is often not fully understood. If we can truly forgive then we are able to transform our lives completely and move on to live a full and fulfilled life. On the other hand, if, like many people, we find it extremely difficult or impossible, we become entrapped in a dark prison and are not able to see the light of day. We are eaten up by past grievances and wrongdoings and are unable concentrate on the future. Our minds are full of dark harmful thoughts, our sense of being wronged is acute and we constantly revisit the scenes of these slights and hurts. Even As we go about our everyday activities this feeling of being hurt is like a shadow hanging over us. It is impossible to live an enlightened and carefree life if we feel we are restricted and hampered in some way. In most cases we do not know why we are feeling inhibited in some way, we just know we are.Many of us like hanging on to our feelings of injustice or blame and harboring thoughts of revenge. They are like old friends to us and we are slow to replace them. As long as we are happy with these “friends” we shall never properly move on with our lives and grow and mature.
Forgiving ourselves is another important aspect to consider. Many of us blame ourselves for something happening in our lives that had unfortunate consequences. We agonize over it and continually heap blame upon ourselves. We will accept no excuses for our behavior and feel our resulting unhappiness was well merited. We continue through life in this sorry fashion, wallowing in our misery and steadfastly refusing to change our mindset. It is a fact that we find it easier to forgive others rather than ourselves.
What we need to remember is that, whether we like it or not, we ourselves are responsible for attracting either positive or negative events or happenings into our lives. This is an established fact and I have dealt with it in my book “A Better Tomorrow”. We have to realize that we have created the anger, guilt and hatred that may be in our lives. If we desire to change our circumstances we must firstly stop blaming either ourselves or others. If we are able to create and attract unhappy things in our lives then it follows that we can choose to fill our existence with good and positive things and literally create a better tomorrow.
It will take a lot of reflection and soul-searching to change our mindset. We must prepare a climate where we part with our old biased perceptions and feelings of hurt and guilt. We must see the destructive effect that these had on our lives to date. If we are serious about moving on and creating a better life for ourselves then we need to rise above petty grievances. We deserve a life that is free of recriminations and negativity.
Is it easy to learn to forgive? Of course not but the prize is so great that the effort to change will be well worth it. The process will take a lot of honesty and critical analysis. We have to be brutally frank with ourselves and see both sides to every argument or incident that upset us in the past. Did we ever give the other person the benefit of the doubt? Sometimes when we go into details about some old conflict we realize things were not simply black and white. We must constantly remind ourselves that bitterness and negative emotions block the free flow of life and impedes healing.
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